welcome to the spew - news and grooves from the clown army...
There have been worrying reports of a ginormous coagulation of clowns building in all major cities and towns across the world. The assault of silly makeup and inflatable shoes is getting too much for some locals and questions are beginning to be asked...
"They're terrible! They're loud, strange, shining these weird lights, and they're bloody everywhere! It's a clown plague!!! SAVE US!!!", one pillar of the community shouted before running back into the local pub for 8 pints of beer and a fight.
Another confused local had just one question - "What is a 'towlie' and why do these clowns keep mumbling about it?!"
During our coffee break another concerned citizen dragged us back onto the street shouting "Who are these people?! Look!!! They're going to cause terrible problems!!!" as she rugby tackled yet another garish individual with dangerously coloured hair.
Our greatest clue may have come from an anonymous clown who was found sitting in the public toilets with three phones in his hands:
'Umm yeah, sorry gotta go online in a minute, but haven't you heard?! It's CLOWNFEST 9!!!
Well, we've NEVER heard the likes of this, and we don't think anyone else should either!
So we'll be tuning in live for the first day of this 'Clownfest 9' on Friday September 23rd.
We will inform the people, so we can all ensure these Clowns don't get away with whatever they're trying to get away with!!!
Oh no, wait, what?
where is the clown?!!?!
The question that's being shouted from billboards, cried from living rooms, mumble rapped from studios, and shrieked from every den of iniquity across the land...
"Where is the Clown?!!?!"
He was last seen at ClownFest 7, drooling into a web cam, gripping a network cable like an old nun clinging to her last set of rosary beads, pleading with the almighty Virgin for one final gift of bandwidth. His hardcore cult followers have since spent every waking hour scouring their now useless eye-heroin dispensers for anyone that might laugh at their memes, listen to their latest unfinished track, give them one more compliment on their studio setup.
So what now???
The public have begun taking matters into their own hands. A host of Tuesday night vigils have been held across the world, causing traffic chaos around anything that resembles a circus tent. Delirious hoards carrying towels, shouting obscenities and waving placards above their heads covered in scrawls of desperation:
'Where is the URL???!!!' 'We need more ClownFest!!!' 'Has anyone got any kick drums?!?!'
The following message from one such crazed lunatic was sent to Clown News Networks this morning:
There have been various reports of the clown's location, rumours he was finally sucked into the worst toilet in Bristol after a massive post festival heave. Others report seeing him stuck under a mountain of used pot noodle cups. Yet more claiming he packed it all in and went back to college.
Wherever he is, the Clown Army must remain strong! They must believe he will return!!! But when???
In the meantime...
We think it was a jealous hacker, looking to blind the army with awesomeness. Bloody fool.. we love awesomeness!!!
Click below for the ClownFest 7 sets...
DOGHOUSE WILL RUIN YOUR BRAIN!!!
"Doghouse makes art for the underground’s underground. It’s not for everyone, it is for the weirdos, the party goers and those who are simply sick of the never-ending tripe we are fed through generic television and radio sets."
Great review of the DOGHOUSE Spring Special by Mark McGhee at You Call That Radio?
Link to video in review... THAT'S THE WAY TO DO IT.!!!
THE CLOWN JEWELS NEW ALBUM!!!
Your favourite clowns have just released a new album, fantastically named 'Annus Horribilis'
Featuring Doghouse on vocals, with Pierrot The Acid Clown and Warminstrel on musical duties, it's a savage assault on the ears and brrrain!
NEW ARTWORK FROM LiQuidNICK
New artwork for the ClownFest site kindly provided by:
LiQuiDNicK (aka Kollmann Artworx)
LiquidNick combines the artwork with his live sets for an eye and ear feast:
FNOOB CLOWN ARMY Takeover
The Clown Army Fnoob Takeover continues with another mix of ClownFest sets.
Mixed by Fuzzy
dnb army tunes
Poynt Too showcasing the Clown Army Drum and Bass crew with a mix of original tunes
All tunes submitted to the UNSIGNED REVIEW LIVE SHOW
'A huge thanks to all the producers that submitted their tracks and to The Acid Clown for all his hard work in bringing the URL Show each week.'
01. King Sized Roller - The Sour Alien
02. 1996 Jungle - Warminstrel
03. Understand - Warminstrel
04. Night Owl (Hard Mix) - Mark Oh Polo
05. Take Me Away - OneDuz
06. Camels - El Tunchi
07. Jungle Older School - Warminstrel
08. Just Think It Through - Mark Oh Polo
09. Ravers Of The Lost Ark - Mark Oh Polo
10. Soundboy Get Ready - Warminstrel
11. Where’s My Friggin Money - Prize Prime
12. The Black Mamba - Poynt Too
13. Funktion Dubplate - Warminstrel
14. Room 2 - Chem91’s OG Dank Skank Mix - The Sour Alien
15. Sword Fight - Samphet
16. Quantum Jazz - Warminstrel
17. Future Love - OneDuz
18. Egyptian Drop - Samphet
19. Victim - OneDuz
20. New Machine - OneDuz
21. Buggsy Rollerz (Remix or Die) - Stereo Nuttah
22. Lady Killer - OneDuz
23. 60 Million Spies - The Sour Alien
25. Lost (Get Down) - Morgan J
26. Azitiz - Distorted Narrative - The Sour Alien
27. Charges - OneDuz
28. Lockdown Curfew (Bypass VIP) - Brad Kwiatek
The Sour Alien - thesouralien.bandcamp.com
Warminstrel - warminstrel.bandcamp.com
Mark Oh Polo - @alienproberecordings
OneDuz - @oneduz
El Tunchi - @funsizehaze
Prizm Prime - www.beatport.com/artist/prizm-prime/389343
Poynt Too - www.beatport.com/artist/poynt-too/960141
Samphet - samphet.bandcamp.com
Stereo Nuttah - stompsounds.bandcamp.com
Morgan J - @mjhellraizer
Brad Kwiatek - www.facebook.com/brad.kwiatek